'Idol' winners and losers
No matter the winner, there's a glitch in the "Idol" star-maker machinery. Ratings are down. Charisma and energy are missing.
"Idol" is having an identity crisis, and not just because two guys, David Archuleta, 17, and David Cook, 25, with the same first names were the top two finalists.
This year, there are plenty of winners and losers to go around.
Losers: The judges, who've spent an entire season phoning in their critiques. It wasn't just Paula Abdul who embarrassed herself by reviewing a song that hadn't been sung yet. Randy Jackson stuck to a tired script of phrases like "It was just all right for me." Simon Cowell seemed completely disengaged. If they don't care enough to be excited, why should we?
Winner: The person who decided to let contestants play instruments. The innovation proved "Idol" is capable of making the changes necessary to get back on track. Brooke White's piano, David Cook's guitar, even Chikezie's just-learned-it harmonica were all welcome additions.
Winners: Clean-speech advocates, who appreciated the various exclamations of "gosh" uttered eight times by David Archuleta (in a slight Napoleon Dynamite voice) during his visit to his hometown. David A. has made wholesomeness safe again for America's youths. Don't you just want to squeeze his head off?
Loser: The questions-from-viewers-at-home segment that helped fill the empty minutes of those hourlong "Idol" results episodes. Why did the producers persist in running the questions on the giant screen before the fans had a chance to ask them via phone? To make it extra boring?
Losers: The girls instructed to stand in front of the stage and wave their hands, pretending they're thrilled by every performance. Next year, let's give them cigarette lighters to hold up, to make it extra hokey.
Winner: After serving as an "Idol" mentor, Neil Diamond racked up his first No. 1 album. Berate "Idol" for its faults but fear its power.
Loser: Musical theater legend Andrew Lloyd Webber, who seemed way too geeked at being an "Idol" mentor (and proved how irrelevant he is to current audiences when Jason Castro admitted he didn't know "Memory" was sung by a cat).
Winner: Carly Simon, who wasn't a mentor and still got an "Idol" publicity bump, thanks to Brooke White's Carly-like vibe.
Loser: The bandannas favored by top-24 finisher Robbie Carrico, whose attempt at a rockin' head wrap only spurred rumors he was bald.
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